O.K. I know no one is ever going to read this and I know this is all for my own edification and self pitying suffocation so here's a little ditty I just thought up. Some of it rhymes some doesn't. It is maudlin, depressing and self absorbed. Yep. That pretty much sums up my current state of mind. As a character on IN LIVING COLOR used to say, "Wrote a song about about it. Here it goes - "

BRAIN DEATH

Once I feared
A living coffin
Of flesh and bone
Unable to move
Unable to speak
Unable to moan

Once I feared
My body's rebellion
Shutting down
Turning off
While my mind
Still raced
Still dreamed
Still screamed

Once I feared
The frozen rictus
Of living death
Contorted muscles
Paper dry skin
Drooling lips

Once I feared
Life without me
Without the me of me

Without my smile
Without my laughter
Without my bear hugs

Without dancing
Without running

Without arguing
Without agreeing

Without applauding
Without standing up
Without sitting down

Without I Love You
Without I Need You

Without resisting
Without holding on
Without releasing

Awareness
But without
Me

My fear had names
And initials
Lou Gehrig's - ALS
Muscular Dystrophy - MD
Multiple Sclerosis - MS

My fear could have
Arrived by accident
Or disease
Quadriplegia
Severed spine
Spinal Meningitis
Catastrophic stroke

But now I find
It isn't my body
But my mind
That will be the first
To go
Little by little
Bit by byte

First social amenities
As physical control of
Bladder, bowels and
Diplomacy disappear
Then memories will go
First short then long
First friends then family
Then the one I hold
Most dear
Until I'm all alone
In a world of
Helpful strangers

Last of all I'll lose
My words
This will truly be
The last of me
This will be
When I beg
When I plead
When my last words
Will be
Please God
Thank you for my life
Now please
Set
Me
Free.